One of the essential parts about becoming an adult is learning how to set boundaries. Whether this be in your work space, with friends or family, in a relationship, or really anywhere. I personally have had to set them in a few areas of my life. While it’s not easy, it’s important so that my relationships stay healthy. Here are five ways I have learned to help get my piunt across kindly, but clearly.
- Know your limits
Not knowing when you need to stop something can be tough sometimes. New experiences and friendships include new territory that you haven’t had to deal with before. In this case, take a moment with yourself and ask,” What am I comfortable with? What am I not comfortable with? And why?” Knowing the why helps you to firmly understand where you’re coming from and makes it easier to set that boundary.
- Say no, and don’t feel guilty
If I have learned anything in this life (and am still learning), it’s that I don’t owe anyone anything. I give my time and energy to those I love because I want to and enjoy it. However, when situations arise and I no longer feel comfortable with what’s happening, I make sure I politely but firmly say no. They don’t have to know why. You have your reasons and that is enough!
- Set the boundaries early on
Once I know a boundary has been crossed, I try to make sure I let the other person know before it happens again or before I get burned out. For example, if someone keeps showing up late to important meetings, I let them know that I’m not cool with that early on, rather than letting them keep doing it and me letting it fester. When things fester, they can get worse. To keep the relationship healthy, don’t let things sit!
- Stay consistent
An important part of setting a boundary is sticking to it! Changing it up can be confusing to both you and the other person. Just make sure that once you set the boundary that you and the other person are respecting it and not changing it. For example, if I say I can only work on Monday’s, and my boss schedules me for both Monday’s and Tuesday’s and I let it slide, that’s not staying consistent to my boundary. Don’t let things slide, because you deserve to have some boundaries that are healthy and beneficial to you!
- Surround yourself with people who respect them
If you set a boundary and someone flips out, it’s not a good sign. Setting a boundary is meant to be a healthy sign of a relationship. If someone doesn’t like it or continues to violate it once you’ve set it, that’s not very respectful to you. Make sure you surround yourself with people who support your boundaries and respect them!
I hope these tips help you in setting healthy boundaries! Remember, you are allowed to set boundaries with anyone and anytime!
