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The Captain's Log

The Captain's Log

The Student News Site of Christopher Newport University

The Captain's Log

The Captain's Log

Facebook groups you probably didn’t know exist

There’s something for everyone
Facebook Post of ants infesting a water bottle cap, provided by Lindsay Deyton
Facebook Post of the Ant Colony Group Chat, provided by Lindsay Deyton

The only times I ever went on Facebook was to see what cringey birthday photos my mom posted of me or what her friends were commenting on them. Now, with all of the Facebook groups that I’m a part of, I have a ton of reasons to unconsciously scroll or participate in endless polls and groups. However, these Facebook groups aren’t your average Pampered Chef invitations that some ladies you barely know invited you to. No, these are some really interesting ones, ranked from most to least common.


  1. Gals Who Read

This group consists of only women who make book suggestions. Someone will post something like “Give me books that consist of spies and dangerous missions,” and the women who have suggestions will comment with whatever ideas they have.


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  1. ASL Practice Pals

This is a group of people who are actively learning ASL (American Sign Language), where they can practice and ask questions to one another in order to keep their skills up.


  1. A group that makes quick decisions for you

This group is exactly what it sounds like. People in this group post mostly mindless questions they need advice on, such as, “What should I eat for lunch,” or “What shirt should I wear to this wedding?” They name the options they have, and then people vote on which one.


  1. “THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y”

 If you’ve got this far, we’re now entering the less common and more funny groups. “THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y” is the name of a group where people who love or are simply obsessed with cats can post pictures of their borderline obese cats living their everyday lives. This group is similar to another one that I’m a part of called “Famtastic CHOMKYbois amd whermst they sploot,” where people post the really funny and cute positions their cats are laying in. I 10/10 recommend that one. And yes, it’s horribly misspelled on purpose and for the aesthetic.


  1. “A group where we give TERRIBLE life advice.”

This next group is satire and should be taken with a grain of salt. For example…if someone posted “My girlfriend cheated on me, what do I do now?” someone may comment “Go date their dad,” or something ridiculous and funny like that. Disclaimer, none of the advice in that group should be taken seriously.


  1. People incorrectly correcting other people

Coming in 5th place, this group is a whole page dedicated to screenshots of people trying to correct someone else, but they’re actually wrong too. For example, person A can say “ The sky is yellow.” Person B can go, “You’re wrong, the sky is actually green.”


  1. Pretending to be middle aged dads

This next group is one of my favorites. We all know how dads are, that they all do the good ole’ pat on a dog’s stomach, or the “That ain’t goin’ anywhere” phrase after they’ve just fixed something. Well in this group, everyone talks like that just for the fun of it, very entertaining.


  1. Pretending to be Karens

I think this is one of the funniest groups I’m a part of. Everyone asks for the manager in the chat, or everyone is talking about their kids named ‘toughkneigh’ (Tony in reality). The memes and jokes in there are so priceless.


  1. Aliens pretending to be human

This next group is definitely one of the weirder ones. It’s called “A group where we all pretend to be aliens tryna be human.” I like this group because sometimes it’s weird to act confused about topics I do on a daily basis. For example, someone posted “Apparently humans keep animals they don’t eat and call them children.” It’s super funny and entertaining, but sometimes takes me a minute to figure out what they’re talking about.


  1. Everyone pretends to be ants in an ant colony

This last one is the weirdest of all, and is hard to explain without visual aids or it being right in front of you, so I’ll do the best I can. Basically, someone will post a picture of ants infesting something. For example, a piece of candy. Then the original poster will caption it “Found this candy! Help me L I F T it and take it back to the queen ant!” Everyone who comments, comments one word responses like “L I F T “ or “ E A T” all spaced out and in caps to make it sound like they’re ants. Best one yet.

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Lindsay Deyton, Digital Media Manager
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